In a couple of weeks it will be one year since I left the United States in my car with my two dogs and drove over the border into Mexico.

The year has flown by and I can’t believe it’s already been 12 months, as I sit here in my new home happy with what I have done.  In those days I never could’ve imagined what would happen in the next year, but I’m so glad I made the leap.  

Those days of preparation to go into Mexico started with an unusual experience in my life. I had been fired from my job, or laid off really.  This was totally unexpected for me, but in fact there are many, many jobs out there for experienced nurses so within three days I had an interview lined up for another job.

It wasn’t losing my job that slapped me in the face, it was the fact that I had been so miserably unhappy for the last number of years, that gradually, and then all at once, I had become a bitter old lady at my job.  It took so much of my energy that there was nothing left for anything that would lead to happiness or fulfillment in my life.  There was just enough energy to get ready to do it all again the next day. This, of course, was not a new revelation to me, but being laid off shocked me into a new way of thinking.

So when I got laid off last January, with no notice and no warning, the obvious thing to do, and what I thought of immediately, was to get another job, of course. 

There is no financial advisor in this world who would’ve told me “Sure you have enough money now. Quit working and go live off the money forever”.  There is no financial advisor in the world who would’ve said that, but the fork in the road was so clear to me at that moment that I knew if I took the wrong turn it could very well end my life. I was that unhappy and deeply miserable, and had been for years. 

There was a reason I hadn’t run away to Mexico in the last few unhappy years, and getting laid off pushed me into examining what was holding me back. Sure there was the fear for physical safety and if I had enough money. But when I looked deeper I saw the fear I had of being irresponsible, or foolish with money. What would my Father have said about this decision?

My father is no longer with us but I know that if he knew what I was feeling at that time and for years before, he would have supported my decision.

Confronting myself required understanding myself and asking questions about what was holding me back.  I felt irresponsible and that was a big issue for me.  It all started Years ago when I was a teenager, I did something I later considered the ultimate irresponsible thing. I had a baby at 19 years old in an unstable environment and with a man who was not prepared to be a father or anything else.

I was not a mature teenager. I had no vision for my life and no real plan. But once you hold a baby in your arms and you realize that it’s all on you, everything changes. Once I held my son, I changed. Doing the right thing, being responsible and taking care of him became the priority.

So the question of being responsible was big and loaded for me as you can see. And all these years later When I faced the question of staying the same at work and being deeply unhappy, or taking the path to Mexico and doing what some would call being irresponsible or foolish or lazy, (there are many judgments you could make about it). It was a very loaded decision for me.

To take the path to Mexico was to acknowledge that I was being “irresponsible” and to face all of that. I had only been half conscious of all this up until this point. Realizing that what was driving me to stay in an unhealthy life, was that I was trying to be a good and responsible person, allowed me to finally loosen my grip on that conception of myself.  That self concept died last January so that I didn’t have to.  

I was a nurse for 28 years and I’m happy to say that my son is grown now and is a successful, kindhearted man with an amazing work ethic, and I’m so proud of him.

It’s strange that we create these self-concepts to keep ourselves going, but that they can lead to being trapped in a frame that no longer fits. The pressure to keep going like that held me for years, and it was only something out of my control, getting laid off, that finally opened my eyes.

If you are in a position of misery, leading an unhappy life and feeling trapped, I encourage you to consider what beliefs and self-concepts you might have that are paralyzing you. You might have some outdated notion of what it means to be a good person, that needs to change. Let the mental concept die, so you don’t have to.

I no longer think of myself as irresponsible. I know that I did what I needed to do. After all, working for the almighty dollar and checking off your to-do list is not the pinnacle of success. At least not in my mind. The belief I finally let go of was that I wasn’t responsible unless I was working. Now, I know that’s not true.

Making the decision to move to Mexico was just the start of a lot of learning, challenges, and growth. And opening my mind to being something other than what I had thought was necessary for so long, was just the beginning of discovery.